Sometimes it is easy to feel like an artist. Other times, it is easy to feel inadequate. Last week I wrote about deadlines and my changing schedule due to the arrival of summer. The seasonal change affects me beyond simply when I have time to bead. My usual artist connections disappear over the summer for the most part and I can find myself immersed in the day-to-day routine of laundry, meals, and driving. My "self" that is an artist is as starved for support at times as my garden was starved for water in last week's heat wave. At such times I can allow myself to fall into self doubt and question my abilities. Those are the times when I most need the support and encouragement of my small couterie of fellow artists, most of whom are women, too. Those peer networks are vitally important in keeping me engaged in myself as artist. Since it is not possible to maintain my usual arrangements (or I'd keep doing it), I look for substitutes. One way to feed my support is seeking out podcasts to listen to while I'm beading, or even while I'm simply putting away groceries. Every summer my family spends a week at Cape Cod, and I have found a wonderful podcast from the Cape's public radio station that I listen to in chunks. It is broadcast as a weekly 5 minute (or so) segment, but I will skip it most of the year and then listen to a handful all in one sitting. Robert Finch, the naturalist who reads his own short essays, has a tone and style that lift the spirit of the artist in me. His words transport me to the ponds and shorelines of the Cape of my memory, loaded with family connections and treasured moments, simultaneously awakening the sense of creativity within, grounding me. Just as I switch from winter shoes to sandals, I substitute one method of support with another as my routine changes. Because my support network is as necessary as footwear!
As I write today the shades are drawn, the air conditioning is on and summer is here in earnest. Today (7:09 PM EST) is the first day of summer. It is my son's first full week without school. Schedules are shifting and obligations are changing. Contrary to my "work every day" goal, I have missed a few days in this transition period. I need to stay on task and carve out new routines for myself. One motivating factor is deadlines. I am entered in a couple of exhibits in the next few months and I have mentally committed to bigger projects that will be due in year's end, so I know that I need to keep working steadily. Deadlines can feel onerous and arbitrary, but I try to view them as tools to help keep me on target. Life has a way of insinuating itself between me and certain objectives. As a mom who has stayed home with my children, I put a high value on those earnest life moments, but as an individual and an artist, I realize that achieving my goals requires commitment and completing projects. In also requires participating in exhibits and keeping my work in the public eye. That means meeting deadlines. So rather than view them as coldhearted taskmasters, I see deadlines as my morning alarm clock, a tool that helps keep me on track for what I hope to be doing every day!
Earlier, I have mentioned that I like to bead wherever I can, including in the car. Saturday my husband and I were taking an hour long trip. He would be driving so I brought along some beadwork. I am following through on my intentions to enter a "bigger" exhibit and I am working diligently towards a goal for early in 2013. We weren't out of the driveway before all the beads in my tray (no lid) had spilled all over the car. As we were picking up something big, we were driving our old van, which is usually used by our son, so the beads were mingled with dirt, sand and other debris. I was SO mad at myself! There were three different beads I was using, and I made concerted efforts to retrieve all of the most expensive ones and had to give myself permission to let go of the cheapest ones, matte black, size 11 seed beads, which were never going to be separated from the detritus in the car mat. My husband encouraged me to go back into the house and reload my stash, and was incredibly patient with me. I was furious with myself and needed to do some deep breathing to move on and use the time constructively, which was what I'd intended from the start. I'm sure every header has a similar story (or many). As precious as each bead is,sometimes, we just need to accept that our time is more valuable and focus on that. Some days,
I am typing this in the part of my home that used to be a porch until we incorporated it into our home's "proper." We still call it the porch. It has two walls of windows and one wall open to our family room which also has large windows on two walls. The porch also has 3 skylights. Outside it is grey and dismal and it has been raining off and on all day. Where I am sitting, however, it is bright. My son is having an after-school snack at the kitchen counter a few feet away from me, but he is sitting in the dark. This is where I often sit and bead. The natural light is great for visibility and reducing eye strain. I have both a floor and table OTT light and I use them some of the time, but mostly I depend on my home's generally adequate lighting , and especially, natural light. Proper lighting is not only important for our eyes, it also is critical for making color selection, threading needles, and putting a needle or crochet hook in the correct place when using thread that blends perfectly with your bead colors! I run into trouble when I am beading at night and think, "I'll just finish this row and go to bed." I'm tired, the light is often as bad as I let myself use, and often I pierce my thread, create a knot, or spill beads onto my couch, rug, etc. Less than optimal lighting, combined with being overtired, spells bead disaster! Do yourself a favor and invest in a good light, or create a space with a good work surface and chair or stool near a window with good natural light. Your work will
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